Chapter 1.
Thy mercy, O Lord, is in the heavens; and thy faithfulness reacheth unto the clouds.
Psalm 36:5
Emma held her head in her hands and wondered if Wil was having another one of his jokes. She looked up to see that he was still smiling at her. It had to be true, she considered, otherwise he surely would have said so by now. “Wil, you can’t just go and buy a haus without me looking at it too.” She stared into his face hoping he’d say that it wasn’t the case. Maybe he’d only put some kind of holding deposit on it. They hadn’t even had many conversations about buying a haus.
His smile quickly turned into a frown. “I thought you’d be pleased. You said that you wanted an old haus that we could fix up together.” When she made no comment, he continued, “It’s just as you said you wanted. It’s on the outskirts, on the border of the Amish settlement.” Once again, a smile broke out on his handsome face despite Emma’s disapproval. “It’s got electricity coming into the haus, but I can easily have that removed. It does need a lot of work, I’ll admit that, but I can fix it in no time flat.”
Emma could not contain a heavy sigh as her hands moved from her head to her stomach. She did not want to dampen his enthusiasm, but she was stunned by his impulsiveness. “You were to do the looking and then we were going to buy it together, remember?”
He stared at her and said nothing.
At that moment, Emma thought that maybe they hadn’t discussed it as well as they should have, and swiftly added, “Well, that’s how I assumed we would do it.” That’s how Levi, her late husband and she would have done things. Levi would never have bought a haus without them both agreeing on it. Wil was different from Levi; Wil’s head was in the clouds and he always acted first and thought about things later.
Wil laughed away her anger. He put both hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. “Come and see it before you get angry with me. You’ll love it too.”
“How did you even get the money to buy it? We haven’t spoken about our finances together. Does one of us have to sell?” Emma did not want to sell her farm or her haus. Levi had built the haus and it was filled with treasured memories, which she was not going to let go of easily. Realistically, Emma knew she might have to sell one day, in order to move on in her new life with Wil.
As Wil was taking his time to answer her question, Emma continued, “You know I live on the lease money that Bob Pluver pays for using my land for his crops. That’s the only income I’ve got.” Emma was certain that Wil’s adjoining farm, which he also leased out to Bob, was his only source of income as well since he didn’t have a regular job.
“We’ll figure out the finances later. I’ve got enough money to cover everything, for now.”
It was the ‘for now’ comment that worried Emma. They were still two months away from being married; she felt that she could not be so bold as to inquire into his personal finances. “I would’ve thought we might wait to buy a haus until after we were married, when we’d talked through and planned our finances together.”
He made a dismissive sound from the back of his throat. “Don’t worry so much, Emma. It’ll be fine; you’ll love the haus.”
Emma raised her eyebrows.
“Have you just baked cookies?” Wil followed his nose to the kitchen leaving Emma standing by herself in her living room.
And that was that. Emma knew that as far as Wil was concerned that was the end of the conversation of purchasing the haus, and the end of the conversation of their combined finances.
Dragging her feet, Emma followed Wil into the kitchen. She could not wait to meet the widows tonight to tell them the latest thing that Wil had done. No doubt, they would be as shocked as she.
* * *
Mostly, it was Wednesday nights that the widows gathered in the two elderly schweschders' haus, Elsa-May and Ettie. Later that night, everyone was there including the younger widows, Maureen and Silvie.
“How are things going with Sabrina?” Maureen asked Silvie before she bit into a chocolate cookie. Sabrina was Silvie’s spoiled younger schweschder who had come to live with Silvie from Ohio.
“She’s going out a lot now. This time, I make sure I know where she’s going. She’s got a job at the horse auctions, doing paperwork. She was always gut at adding up and the like.”
“That should keep her out of trouble,” Ettie said.
“For now most likely, not for long,” Elsa-May added without looking up from her knitting.
Maureen looked across the room to Emma. “You’re quiet tonight, Emma,”
“I’m in shock; that’s all.” The widows all looked at her. “Well, you remember how I said that Wil’s been looking for a haus for us?”
The widows nodded.
“He bought one without me even seeing it.” Emma looked at them to see what their reaction would be. Maybe she was being too harsh on Wil. The widows were all sensible ladies, and they would know what would be considered rational behavior.
Their mouths fell open. The only one who was not shocked was Silvie.
“You’re not happy about it?” Silvie asked.
Emma shook her head. “Nee, I’m not happy about it. I’ll have to go and live in a haus that I had no say in.”
“I think it’s a lovely thing of Wil to do. You should be pleased that he has taken control like a proper mann should,” Silvie said with a distinct nod of her head. “I’d be glad if Bailey joined the community and bought a haus for me. I wouldn’t care that I hadn’t seen it.”
“I don’t mean to seem ungrateful, but we haven’t even discussed finances. Where’s the money going to come from?” Emma chewed on a fingernail.
Ettie brought her teacup to her lips, took a sip and then said, “Where do you think the money could possibly come from?”
“That’s just it; I don’t know. One of us might have to sell one of our farms, I guess.” Emma could think of no other way to get such a large sum.
“Didn’t you ask him about the money side of things?” Maureen asked.
Emma shook her head. “He’s so frustrating sometimes. He just dismissed my questions and ate cookies.” Emma took a deep breath. “I don’t like to talk behind his back…”
“Nonsense,” Elsa-May said, “That’s what these meetings are for. We all help each other and how can we do that if you keep things to yourself?”
Emma nodded. “It’s just that, I don’t want to sell my haus, the haus that Levi built. I mean I would if I had to, but Wil won’t even discuss financial matters. It’s like he takes no thought for anything and expects things to fall into place with no planning. I get my income from leasing the farm; it’s not a great deal, but it’s enough to keep me.”
Silvie, who was sitting next to Emma, stroked her shoulder. “And you like to plan things ahead?”
“Jah, of course. It’s a big thing; it’s not like buying a spade or a broom.”
“Seems as though you two have very different ways of doing things,” Ettie said.
“It frustrates me so. I mean, I do love him, but I wish he could be more…” Emma stopped herself just in time. She wished he could be more like Levi.
A hush swept over the room.
Emma looked at each widow in turn. She could see from their faces that they knew what she had been about to say.
The silence was broken by Silvie, “You do love him still, don’t you?”
“Jah, of course, I love him. I do,” Emma said. Maybe she had been so long by herself that she had trouble letting go of things. Why couldn’t she be more like dear, kind-hearted and sweet Silvie?
Elsa-May moved uncomfortably in her seat and continued knitting the pale yellow blanket for yet another of her great grosskinner which was on the way into the world.
“I mean, the date is set, the bishop has published our wedding and…” Emma’s voice trailed away. “…and all that. I’ve everything done except the dresses and organizing the food.”
“I’ll help with the dresses, Emma. I can have them done in no time,” Maureen said.
“Denke, Maureen. I’ve already made Wil’s suit and the suits of his attendants.” Emma could feel Ettie’s eyes boring into her. She looked up and caught her eye. “What’s the matter, Ettie?”
“You’re a long time married, Emma. Our other schweschder, Virginia, was betrothed to a man and she changed her mind the day before the wedding. Elsa-May and I were teens and the day of the wedding. Elsa-May and I had to stand there, at the front gate, and turn everyone away.”
Elsa-May looked up from over her knitting, shook her head and said to her schweschder, “A year later, Virginia married the same man. What’s your point, Ettie?”
Ettie glared at Elsa-May and pressed her lips firmly together, tiny little wrinkles appearing deeper around her mouth.
Maureen came to Ettie’s rescue. “I think Ettie’s trying to make the point that you shouldn’t feel obligated, Emma. Just because things have been organized it’s no reason to think that you should go through with it if your heart is not in it.”
Ettie nodded in agreement with Maureen’s explanation “On the other hand,” Maureen continued, “A lot of marriages work well when the two hardly know each other to start with and you and Wil genuinely have strong feelings. You just have to iron out a few small differences. I’m sure that’s all it is.”
Emma felt confronted. She did love Wil. Every relationship has teething problems, she reminded herself. Things weren’t perfect with Levi from the beginning either. “Nee, I do love him.” She looked at Ettie and distinctly saw her raise her eyebrows. “Do you think that Wil is not a gut match for me, Ettie?”
Before Ettie could speak, Elsa-May said, “Don’t listen to others. It’s what you think of Wil, Emma. If you are truly in love with him, deep in your heart, it does not matter what others think.”
“Marriages work whether people are in love or not,” Maureen said, making exactly the same point she’d already made moments before.
“You don’t need a mann, Emma. I haven’t had one for years, and I’m perfectly happy,” Ettie said. “When you’re married you have to compromise.” Ettie shrugged her shoulders. “But, when you aren’t married you can do as you please. You can be as free as the wind, as free as a bird soaring in the sky.”
“I’m not getting married to Wil because I feel the need to have a mann, Ettie.”
“Aren’t you? Straight after Levi died you and Wil were secretly courting.”
Emma’s mouth fell open in shock and the other widows gasped at Ettie’s words. Emma was not sure in what way she should reply.
“Ettie, everyone needs someone. But sometimes, I think that love is overrated. I’ve seen many happy marriages where the couple had hardly known each other before they married,” Maureen said.
“So you’ve said before, Maureen,” Ettie said. “Are you referring to Bob?”
Maureen gave a surprised laugh. “Nee, I’m just saying… I’m not referring to anyone.” Maureen looked at her hands in her lap then reached over and took a piece of chocolate fudge off the tray of goodies on the low table in front of her.
Emma realized she was chewing on her nails and put her hand in her lap. “I do love Wil.”
“Of course you do,” Silvie said. “It must be exciting to have a new haus. Have you seen it yet?”
“Tomorrow. Wil is taking me there tomorrow.”
As Emma clip-clopped home in her buggy, she was more confused about her feelings than before the widows’ meeting. Emma sighed and said aloud, “Everyone had such different views on menner and marriage.” The cold night air rushed against her face.
